Killers

What is the underlying factor?

Those mass murders that you hear about in certain parts of the world have been a topic of great discussion. Everyone wonders what causes psychotic episodes possessing certain individuals to do such horrific things. Some people say it’s mental illness, drugs or lack of drugs. A few will state that perhaps bullying played a roll in their behaviour. Many may even believe they are just evil boofheads who have no regard for life.

I’ll tell you right now what the trigger is for someone to become a homicidal maniac.

It happens because you can’t open the fucking produce bags in the supermarket!

You massage your finger and thumb along the top of the bag, over to the corners, and then you blow on it trying to separate the plastic. You turn it over thinking you have the wrong side, and it still won’t god damn open. Flipping it back over again you realize it wasn’t the wrong side after all. Repeating this process over and over again, a massive clot begins to form in your cranium and it quickly eats into your brain’s grey matter like a hungry alien on steroids. Your face turns bright red and the veins on your forehead bulge outward into massive elephant man sized lumps of anger and frustration. Losing it, you scream…………”COME ONNNNNNN! You ^%$$# piece of $%(^$%!”

The damn bag still won’t freakin’ open!

It makes you want to kill everyone around you. And that, folks, is what causes privileged white imbeciles wearing questionable polyester fashion to grab an illegal AK-47 and blow shit up.

Sad. All they want is a cucumber.

~The world may never know. But now you do.~

18 thoughts on “Killers

  1. I was playing with one of those bags just the other day … YES, I FOLLOWED THE ARROW on the bag to make sure I was attempting to open the correct end of the bag. I heard myself cussing and saw shoppers glancing at me. It’s all a conspiracy … Trumps’ fault. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You may have just solved what all the world leaders are breaking their heads over. 😁
    This made me actually laugh out loud. 😂 I absolutely love your style of writing, your sense of humour is incredible! 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This is alarming because I’ve always assumed that people exist, probably in a different aisle, who completely grasp the secrets to convenience around produce baggies. But if even grocery whisperers deplore them, we are in greater trouble. This means my other suspicion likely holds: it’s a conspiracy to erode public civility. Best response I’ve crafted so far to stubborn produce bags? I just start littering the floor with the ripped and crinkled failed efforts (usually 3-4) in the vain hope that this would clue somebody in to change things. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s best to have your groceries delivered to your door. One must have the proper safety protocols in place. You never know when a vegetable deprived manic- depressive might snap. Thanks for reading my blog. 😀

      Like

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