Brood Over It

The worst thing about losing weight is – you guessed it – wrinkles. I didn’t even think about it until I looked at my neck in the mirror one day and noticed some vertical lines. Ugh…shit, what the fuck is that? Why didn’t somebody tell me this could happen? Oh hell no! Great, now I’m obsessed with my neck. My huckleberry chicken neck. It raised my hackle feathers.

Damn, slap some batter on my gowls and call Colonel Sanders because now he has something he can throw in the fryer. I have skinny legs too. Dammit, maybe I am a chicken. I better not cross the road, many jokes will ensue.

Here’s a picture of me, mother clucker…


It drives me bonkers. I can’t stop examining my neck. I bought an expensive wrinkle cream especially formulated for my…um, dilemma. I massaged that shit on first, and then I slathered my neck skin with vitamin E. I also bathe in coconut oil to keep my skin hydrated. I will do anything to tighten up my fowl membranes. I’ve been doing it for a few weeks. I have to admit, the creams have helped a lot.

When I’m at work I glare at other women’s necks and compare them to my own. One gal came up to the cash who looked about the same age as me. Dang, she had a huge gaping hole shape in the front of her throat, you could seriously eat soup out of it. It might even have enough room for crackers.

Later, another lady came to pay for some groceries. I observed a big cavern and deep, wrinkled lines on her throat. It looked like Freddie Kruger clawed her.

Jeeze, maybe my neck isn’t that bad after all. Am I just being vain or overly critical of myself? A slightly wrinkled neck is way better than a soup bowl neck, and…well, the other chick better try to stay awake.

It’s the Capricorn in me. I’m too much of a perfectionist and little imperfections gnaw into my brain like a gnat. It haunts me.

Please God, just give me a fucking smooth neck so I won’t go insane! I have to look good for the men, you know. Ha ha!


16 thoughts on “Brood Over It

  1. Unfortunately we all tend to focus on what we see as our flaws. My hair is thinning and I am always hyperaware of both my own hair and every other woman’s, as a result. You’d think I’d be consoled by seeing women whose hair loss is way worse than mine, but no – it freaks me out because I think “Is that my future???”. I often have to give myself a stern talking to and remind myself that I shouldn’t be concerned anymore as I have no more interest in being anyone’s object of desire. It helps to get me off this track. And, no one is looking at your neck as severely and intensely as you – trust me on this! When I tell people I am concerned about my thinning hair they must think I am fishing for compliments instead because most of them tell me they don’t know what I am talking about and WISH they had hair like mine, including my own hairdresser!

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      1. Yeah, it’s annoying. lol. I know I should be grateful that I’m alive and that I’m healthy, really that should be enough. My best friend died at 54. But I just want a nice looking neck. I don’t ask for much. lol

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  2. Just hang in there. First, I have to say my skin/neck got better once I went full carnivore, maybe the extra fat, not sure. Plants don’t agree with me so I have to be careful when I am doing keto. But your neck WILL adjust to slow weight loss. I had those vertical things and now they are gone. So here are my tips: First: stay hydrated. You will see a difference immediately if you are dehydrated and drink four glasses of water. Take astaxanthin. Orally. I also have skin cream that contains it. It will improve skin quality and protect you from the sun–you will NOT burn and won’t need sun screen. Lose weight slowly. It’s about a lifestyle like we said, right? So don’t get impatient. Remember plants dehydrate you, even fruit, some, because fiber draws fluid out of the body. Above all, be patient. If you lose weight slowly, it can still take months for your skin to adjust, but if you stay with a healthy diet, it will–at least some. I still have some hanging stuff, but part of it is still fat, too. So am pushing through. But those vertical lines did disappear.


    1. Hi, Lynn. I know, I just have to be patient. Patience is not one of my virtues. I guess it’s a life lesson. lol. I will stay on the healthy diet. Maybe one day I might even post a picture of myself. Hopefully you won’t all go blind. hahahaha.


  3. p.s. You’ve done a lot of work to lose weight, so it’s not surprising (or vanity) to notice when something unexpected pops up. I think of it more as a challenge, something fun, rather than vanity. But as time goes on, the challenge becomes more about feeling good than looking good. But that’s part of it, too! Why not? Also, remember some days you just look worse than others–dehydration, not enough sleep, medications, illness, just your body going in and out of proportion as you lose, stress (so don’t stress about your neck — it will improve!) And remember, just be the best YOU, don’t worry about being perfect. Nobody is anyway.

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  4. OK, you got me laughing out loud! We women are freakin’ ridiculous. I have a GREAT neck. Very smooth and unwrinkled at 63. Same with my face. Smooooooooooth. BUT: I obsess about my little “age tags” (my dermatologist’s words) all over my face. And don’t get me started on my jowls.
    It’s always something, isn’t it???

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    ◇ Diamond Hard – It’s All Very Well Listening in The Moment; yet The Past and The Future Impact and Influence The Moment…the Most Valuable Advisers are Our Personal Proof and Experiential Evidence from Living 3DLife – Diamond Hard


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