My Cat and I

I bought a new cat litter today at Pet Valu for Slushy. It has an ocean breeze scent and is encased in beautiful, turquoise packaging.

I pointed to it and said to the sales lady, “oh…that looks really nice.”

I wanted the ten pound bag. She unscrewed one of the smaller cube sized containers of litter for me to test the aroma.

I closed my eyes and slowly sniffed in a very beautiful, faint scent. Mmmm. I visualized myself on a tropical beach with sand between my toes and the wind blowing through my hair. I opened my eyes again and smiled with delight. “It’s not very strong smelling is it?”

Her eyes widened and she nodded in agreement. “No, it’s not,” she responded. “It’s good.”

I took out my money. “I really like it, I’ll take it.”

I went home, loaded up the litter boxes and then left for work.

Five hours later~

I got home from work and I didn’t smell an ocean breeze. It was more like muggy swamp biohazard.

The air around me started to borborygmusly hum like a wilderbeast. Then a windy hurricane of malodor stabbed my nostrils instantaniously like a thousand hornets ramming into my sinuses at once. I think I might have sustained a brain injury.

Jesus Murphy…I coughed, spluttered and gagged half blinded by stench as I staggered into the bathroom, one hand over my nose and mouth and the other reaching for the scooper.

I shovelled up the soul destroying chunks and flushed.

I wondered if I should be wearing a hazmat suit as I sprayed the area with heavy doses of air freshener. Great, now there’s a permeating scent of ocean breeze, pine covered shit.

I think I’m going to have to force feed Slushy ocean breeze cat food.

A Limerick for a friend…

Once a cat named Slushy,
Liked to eat food really mushy,
Her turds took my breath,
Like being poisoned by meth,
Pulled the chain and flushy.

I know, don’t quit my fuckin’ day job. Ha!

Here she is, the culprit. Mz. Slushy Stinkombottom.

And now for something completely different…

I am bitchy poop ~ how appropriate!

What are you going as?

~GW