I bought a new cat litter today at Pet Valu for Slushy. It has an ocean breeze scent and is encased in beautiful, turquoise packaging.
I pointed to it and said to the sales lady, “oh…that looks really nice.”
I wanted the ten pound bag. She unscrewed one of the smaller cube sized containers of litter for me to test the aroma.
I closed my eyes and slowly sniffed in a very beautiful, faint scent. Mmmm. I visualized myself on a tropical beach with sand between my toes and the wind blowing through my hair. I opened my eyes again and smiled with delight. “It’s not very strong smelling is it?”
Her eyes widened and she nodded in agreement. “No, it’s not,” she responded. “It’s good.”
I took out my money. “I really like it, I’ll take it.”
I went home, loaded up the litter boxes and then left for work.
Five hours later~
I got home from work and I didn’t smell an ocean breeze. It was more like muggy swamp biohazard.
The air around me started to borborygmusly hum like a wilderbeast. Then a windy hurricane of malodor stabbed my nostrils instantaniously like a thousand hornets ramming into my sinuses at once. I think I might have sustained a brain injury.
Jesus Murphy…I coughed, spluttered and gagged half blinded by stench as I staggered into the bathroom, one hand over my nose and mouth and the other reaching for the scooper.
I shovelled up the soul destroying chunks and flushed.
I wondered if I should be wearing a hazmat suit as I sprayed the area with heavy doses of air freshener. Great, now there’s a permeating scent of ocean breeze, pine covered shit.
I think I’m going to have to force feed Slushy ocean breeze cat food.
A Limerick for a friend…
Once a cat named Slushy,
Liked to eat food really mushy,
Her turds took my breath,
Like being poisoned by meth,
Pulled the chain and flushy.
I know, don’t quit my fuckin’ day job. Ha!
And now for something completely different…
I am bitchy poop ~ how appropriate!
What are you going as?