Christmas Reflections

I love Christmas because I love to spend time with my family and friends, the people I care about. Anybody who knows me well realizes that I am not a materialistic person. I guess it’s good in many respects because I don’t expect expensive gifts, fancy presents or money. There is nothing I love more than to cook a delicious meal, share stories and laugh my ass off during the holidays. I’m a postiive and happy person.

Easy right?

Well, I really wish more folks could encompass the same ideals as I do, because truthfully I’ve never experienced so many miserable, mean, nasty, impatient and sour people in my entire life as I have this past week at work. It’s really annoying.

I mean, seriously. If you don’t like Christmas, don’t celebrate it. Honestly, if you’re going to max out your credit card and stress about it, stop taking it out on me. Smiling won’t make your face explode.

Wake up. You don’t need the latest this or that. Thingamabobs won’t make you any happier. Getting into debt will just make your life hard.

The most valuable thing a person can give me is their time. Well, the way a person treats me is equally as valuable…but for me time is a biggie.

Because lets face it, you’re not going to be on the planet that long – time is short- and you can’t take any of that materializtic glitzy shit you obsess over into the afterlife. All you can take with you is love and memories.

Truth be told, most of your shit will end up in the trash, on Ebay or at your local Goodwill, anyway. It’s inevitable. You gain nothing and you own nothing. Everything you have is borrowed for a little while and then scatters into oblivion once you die.

So the moral of this story is to stop being a miserable shit-head and appreciate those around you. Don’t take things for granted and apppreciate what you already have. You have more than you realize. Cherish it.

~GW

Customers

Have you ever had those days when you’re holding a stick, and everyone looks like a piñata?

Advantageous Bitch

A lady took an item off the shelf with an expired tag. When she realized the item would be free due to our scanning policy, she left and walked down the isle to get the other flavours. She wanted those free too. The cashier told her that isn’t the way it works.

I mean, it’s taking advantage of the store. Just because something is legal it doesnt mean it’s right, or that you should be a douche bag.

When a cashier explains that it’s not company policy, (for the customer to screw us up the ass), it doesn’t give anyone the right to call us names like stupid or dumb, and then state we aren’t trained properly. This chick started hoopin’ and hollerin’ like a truck driver on crack. She asked for the manager. He ended up giving her what she wanted just to get her out of the store. Personally, I hope she chokes on it.

The Ungrateful Wench

A customer walked up to the cash to pay for her groceries but only had two dollars on her gift card. She said twenty dollars should be on the card. She yelled, got irate and rude, called the cashiers stupid, and when she did dig up some cash out of her pockets her total remained twenty cents short.

“That’s not a big deal right?” she snapped. “I can come back tomorrow with the twenty cents.”

The cashier responded, “well it wouldn’t have been a big deal had you not been so rude. I actually would have paid for your whole grocery bill, because it’s Thanksgiving.”

The girl sneered, “oh sorry, well my boyfriend got me to talk like this.”

The cashier replied,” well, perhaps you should re-learn how to talk to people.”

The Moaner

A man walked into the store moaning ooo, ahhh,” all the way to the bathroom. He entered the facilities, grunting loudly for everyone to hear, “OOooo, Aaah, Ughhhh”…pushing and moaning. Then he leaves the latrine staring at the floor, and walks out the door. How delightful.

Remember, always be polite to your cashier, or you just might end up in this blog.

~GW

Rude Dude

Folks are still walking up to the cash and ignoring me as they sit on their phone yapping. It annoys the shit out of me. They are completely clueless to how incredibly obnoxious that is. It happens so much that I wonder if society even has manners anymore. I often think it would be great if I could have a loaf of french bread on standby and belt them upside the head with it like a whack-a-mole as I say, “get off your fucking phone, you wench.”

They are usually the ones who will leave their buggy at the front of the line too, blocking everyone else in the queue. They just grab their stuff and walk away like the world revolves around them. Lazy buggers, I want to shove the buggy up their ass.

Speaking of rudeness, a few days ago I stood over on the other side of the counter helping a gentleman with his lottery. Customers also lined up at the main cash to be served. I mean, I can’t split myself into two, folks just have to be patient.

Anyhoo, I’m at the lottery machine when this grey haired shit-head starts shouting at me to serve him at the other cash register. He made the customer I was serving feel really uncomfortable. I’m not going to drop helping a customer just because some jerk can’t wait his turn. I’m nobody’s personal punching bag or slave.

I really hate it when people yell at me

I instantaniously internally morphed into bitch mode and took my sweet time scanning the lottery. I went extra slow like a tired snail on oxycontin, and the guy eventually stomped off to another cash register. Boy, his face turned red like a ripe shepherd pepper. I laughed inside with sweet satisfaction. Take that, you piece of shit! My secret revenge.

Cashier: 1 Arsehole: 0

Yeah, I felt bitchy, I fixed his little red wagon. I wasn’t feeling particually well that day to begin with. A cold virus was kicking my ass and I already felt like axe murdering somebody. He’s lucky my co-workers hid the scissors.

The good news is, now I have two days off work. Hell yeah, that doesn’t happen very often.

Time to rest to prepare for the next round of degenerates, er…I mean loyal customers.

Yeah, I’m livin’ the dream…

~GW

A Day In The Life Of A Cashier

A feral woodland creature with big hair, all decked out in her leopard coat, walked up to the grocery store cash register pulling her shabby wheeled cart behind her. She sluggishly pulled out each of her items one by one and dropped them on the conveyer belt.
I rang in her purchases, but then she decided that she didn’t want some of them and I deleted them from her bill.
By this time it started to get busy and the lineup curved around the corner of the store. Folk’s eyes started rolling with impatience as she leisurely took coins out of her purse. I felt trapped in a Looney Tunes cartoon with granny counting pennies.
One…..two……three.
Well, it wasn’t really pennies but it felt like it.
Then Ms. Indecisive realized she didn’t have enough money so she chose to pay with debit instead. With immense difficulty, she finally pried the debit card out of her wallet using her talons. She tapped it too quickly. Two beeps!…NO!!! Holy mother of all shite that is holy. The tap didn’t work, so now she has to insert her card.
She stood there with a vacant look on her face. OH MY GOD…She can’t remember her pin number. She wasn’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox was gone!
At that moment, I just wanted to die. I literally wanted to internally combust and explode into flame…at this point I’d even be willing to pray for the naked rapture.
At the same time customers started to line up at the opposite lottery counter. Some dick-wad wanted me to serve him immediately. He lowered his eyebrows and his mouth curled into a sneer. “Miss, can you get me some lottery tickets,” he snapped.
“Sir, you have to wait your turn. There are other people ahead of you in line,” I politely replied. “I can’t let you butt in, that wouldn’t be fair.”
His eyes grew wide as saucers and his face turned red. “Well, I’ve been waiting here for twenty minutes!”
Okay, now he’s getting my dander up. The next part that is bolded I didn’t really say, however, it’s what I screamed to myself inwardly with the intensity of a nuclear bomb.
“First of all, that is not true – You ignorant piece of shit on a rope – It’s been about three minutes. Secondly, although I’d be delighted to serve you all at the same time – I’d like to serve you a brick thrown directly at your forehead – I am not an octopus. Please be patient.”
Actually, I really wished I was an octopus so that I could slap eight people at once. I have one hundred billion nerves in my body, and some people have the ability to irritate all of them.
Mr. lottery entitlement buggered off into the distance in a huff because his privilege didn’t work with me, and the slow-witted wildcat finally paid for her food and pounced off into the distance to catch her bus.