Living The Dream

Hello fellow blogzonians. Did you miss me?

Well, I haven’t been around much, that’s because I got locked out of my blog. Yeah, for two whole months.

Big frickin’ whoopie doodles, right? Well, a lot has happened since Christmas. You missed out on so many of my brain warping whisperings.

My life is fantastic right now, but I’m still plagued by assholic, privileged shitheads…what some might refer to as customers, meandering into my workspace, making my day as miserable as they can possibly muster. Alas, at least I don’t live with them. Then I’d really want to shoot myself in the head.

I don’t understand how somebody can stand there, screaming in my face like a tantruming toddler and expect a positive outcome. It makes me want to help them even less.

One day I worked a long shift and at the end of the day I felt like I’d been hit by a baseball bat, a train and a semi carrying a large cargo of razor blades.  I felt incredibly tired.

A lady walked up to the cash with a face so low she could clean the floors with her chin. I asked her if she wanted a bag, and she snapped, “NO!”

Okay, that’s fine. I guess she’s not using any magic words today.

I rang through the rest of her items and then asked her, “would you like a bag?”

Her eyeballs popped out of her sockets and her face turned as red as an inferno. “You already asked me if I wanted a bag!” she screamed loudly.

“Okay sorry I forgot, I’m tired!” Jesus…I thought she was going to grab her French bread and beat me with it.

The world is filled with crabby ass people who have no manners.

~GW

Phone Groan

Hello, everyone. Yeah, I’m still working at the grocery store. Necessity or insanity, I’m not sure which.

A lady walked up to my cash talking on her cell phone. Well, you should all realize by now this behaviour drives me batty. It’s beyond bad mannered.

Anyhoo…

I ask her if she would like a bag and I get completely ignored.

I repeated myself…

“Ma’am, would you like a bag?” (Insert noise of crickets chirping)

So I started shoving everything in bags anyway.

“Ma’am, how would you like to pay? With credit, debit or cash? Ma’am…Hello?”

Then she has the audacity to lift her hand in front of my face and wave it like the Queen, making grunting noises as if to say I’m disturbing her phone call. “Oourgh, oourgh, oourgh!”

Seriously? She’s ruffling my dander. Okay, now I’m starting to get pissed off. I get ornery when I’m pissed off. This means war.

So then I started talking. “How many bags would you like? How would you like to pay? Debit, credit, or cash? Cold weather isn’t it? Boy, be careful you don’t get a sore neck holding your phone like that! Would you like me to put a produce bag on your meat? Those cookies are a really good price, aren’t they? We have a lot of things on sale today. Well, thanks for the attentive conversation. You have a really nice day now!”

She didn’t look impressed but too fucking bad. She shouldn’t be so rude. Grunting is not a conversation. If your addiction to your phone is that bad, get help.

It’s my biggest pet peeve. If you do this, stop it.

Everyone knows I like to sing…

You could while away the hours
Conferrin’ with cell towers
Consultin’, rude, insane

And your head, you’d be scratchin’
While your thoughts were busy hatchin’
If you only had a brain.

Scooby-doobilly-do

Admit it, you just sang this song. Hahaha!

Honestly, get off your fucking phone~

Story of my life…

~GW

Things That Irk Me

There are a lot of things that irritate me, but nothing boils my blood worse than somebody who is driving in the passing lane as slow as a drunken slug and won’t move over. Or even worse, they won’t let me in the right lane so I can make my turn. Yeah, I get road raged.

Don’t fucking do that…

People are STILL coming to my cash talking on their phone, and STILL completely ignoring my existence. It’s starting to happen so often that it’s making me passive aggressive. Now I purposely ask questions. “It’s nice out today isn’t it? Do you need a bag? How are you doing today? How would you like to pay for your purchase? Would you like me to put your vegetables in a produce bag? The weather is getting colder, I wonder if it’s going to rain today? Those cookies look really good.” I constantly interrupt their call. Hey, if you want to be a prick I can be a bigger one. The customers behind them always end up apologizing to me. It’s not their fault the person in front of them is a jackass. There are too many rude, idiots in the world.

STOP. DOING. THAT.

This is literally my face. “How can I help you, mother fucker?

You may not know this, but I have no interest in Aunt Hilda’s hemorrhoid surgery, neither do I care if little Johnny is an obnoxious jerk who tantrums. Maybe if you’d get off your fucking phone….just sayin’.

Also…

Adults need to stop bashing Greta Thunberg. Anyone who does that is a dick. It’s nice to see young people sticking up for our planet.

Keep up the good work, Greta. You are wise beyond your years. Many of us appreciate what you are doing.

~GW